I have a confession to make…I’m not really a fan of marriage books. Most to me are so self-focused, all about how to change your husband, and just very discouraging on having the kind of marriage that I wanted. What kind of marriage do I want? A strong, passionate, exciting, romantic, everyday falling in love type marriage! So I stayed away from any marriage book and just stuck to the Bible (which is an awesome place to find all you need to know about marriage!).
There has only been one marriage book that I loved that my husband and I read when we were first married. It caused us even more to have a vision for a amazing romance we wanted to have. It’s called “The First 90 days of Marriage” by Eric and Leslie Ludy (definitely a must read for newlyweds and a great encouragement for couples who’ve been marriage a while!).
See I want to read a book that spurs me on in falling more and more in love with my husband! I want a book that the authors don’t talk about how a few years (or months) into marriage you’ll wonder what life would have been like if you would have married someone else. I want a book that talks about praying for you husband, not to change him, but for the Lord to spur him on, encourage him, challenge him. And how I, as a his wife, can best encourage him. Which is exactly what we found in the Ludy’s book and so much more! They even have you write a marriage mission statement that we now have hanging on our wall with our wedding pictures as a reminder of the different things we promised to each other. It was such an encouragement when we first were married and a great building block!
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years now and have 3 wonderful little ones. I am MORE in love with my husband today than the day I married him! And I have NEVER regretted for a moment marrying him, but its been the BEST 4 1/2 years of my life! We also talk about how sad in a way it will be when we get to heaven since there isn’t marriage in heaven, and how we’re going to follow each other around everywhere! 😉 I hate being apart from him while he’s at work and can’t wait to see him when he gets home!
I’ve heard people say, “Just wait til your 7 years…10 years…20 years into marriage then you’ll wont feel like that.”. How depressing! Don’t we want to build up and speak life and love into our Christian couples, not tear down and bring defeat and despair?!
But even though I said I wasn’t going to read anymore marriage books a while back, I decided to give them one more try. 😉 And I was in for a great surprise with one of the first I read! It’s “Romancing Your Husband: Enjoying a Passionate Life Together” by Debra White Smith. It’s exactly what the title says and it is such a great book!
Smith’s book was such a refreshment and encouragement! She talked of having a passionate marriage and how we can best serve our husbands and keep our marriage alive and vibrate! Another great thing about her book is that she also gives practical examples to romance your husband at the end of each chapter and devotes a whole chapter to it as well.
Here’s some quotes from it:
“…that works for the wives too. If romance is what you need, then you pour romantic energies into your marriage. Instead of thinking, Husband, romance me! Why not do what your husband does regarding his needs-model your needs? This will change you from a woman who is yearning to be romanced into a woman who is finding fulfillment through romancing her husband. Pour as much energy into the romance of your relationship as your husband does into the sexuality of it. You sweep him away from a private weekend. You give him love notes. You make candlelit dinners just for him. I am not talking about planning something special once a year. Many people are able to do something romantic on their anniversaries and have a week or so of “warm fuzzies” for their spouses. I’m referring to building a continual aura of romance exmitement, and expectation into a marriage-regardless of how long you’ve been married. This kind of romance flows from unconditional love and gets deeper, richer, and more fulfilling as the years go by.”
“No matter what the problem, one of my solutions remains the same: Spend time with God every day…Plug in that worship music, plop onto your couch close your eyes, and sit in His presence for at least 30 minutes to an hour a day. Don’t ask Him for a thing. Don’t request that He change your husband or anybody else…Simply turn your heart toward Him, think about Him, and ask Him to permeate your being, to carve you into His image, to show you how to love your husband.”
There is so much more in her book than I have don’t have time to write out or share on! But it’s definitely a must read for wives, whether you’re a newlywed or been married 20 years!